crash! oh my fucking go
fast update so i don't lose my mind
been informed of a prior engagement at the end of the month. told person telling me that i have gotten sick so many times since hearing abt it, have been resting as much as i can, yet still probably can't go. they were... not happy. told me not to rant and save my energy when i realised person organising prior engagement would Not like me saying i can't come.
... nobody cares about me. it's always their needs first. fuck. their WANTS first! and i'm suffering for it constantly. idk how the fuck i'm going to tell prior engagement that i can't come and i'm sorry but my health doesn't operate like i want it to. i spent my birthday in bed. this shit is horrible and i can't control it, but it doesn't mean i don't love you. person who was talking to me, i'm so fucking enraged at you for so many things and i do still love you, but it hurts when you deny me and what i need for someone else's sake because you know they're more argumentative.
i still can't write. i'm doing this so i can settle down. i hate living right now, and maybe someday i'll look back and laugh. this was all so trivial.
... it's not right now. it hurts and i'm terrified. i'm terrified, miserable, and enraged. don't tell me not to rant and save my energy. my feelings still feel.